antichrist

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words... 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.





The last one, you guessed it, a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from Georgia Tech and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.

antichrist

Little Johnny...

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.

1st kid says "A computer".

Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."

2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says " At my house we don't need nothin."

The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs
something.

Little Johnny replies, "No I'm sure.........."

"When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying,

"Well, that's the last f..king thing we need."

antichrist

A man was in hospital. His family were all there while he was on his bed. The man wrote a note to his son (who was present), then died immediately afterwards. The son decided that he would not read this, his father's final note, until the day of the funeral. So one week later, the son is at his father's funeral, and opens the note. He faints immediately.

The note said 'ffs, get your foot off the life support'.

antichrist

antichrist

Always Wear Underwear
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

antichrist

Gay Dinosaur
Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Megasoreass

antichrist

Q: What is the difference between a computer and a woman?
A: A woman wont take a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

antichrist

An Irish farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had justloaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted.. 'Justanswer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question..'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move..
However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now your honour what the F--- would you have said?

antichrist

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!”
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Just2Good

AC, your jokes aren't really all that funny anymore. Maybe that's why no one is laughing.

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"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."

~ Isaiah Berlin ~

antichrist

that one is a classic, only you are a bit limited in your imagination - those brown beauties should have educated you on this one

antichrist

God designed man with a brain and penis - but never for them to be used simultaneously

- V -

Do you attribute certain thoughts to your strict roman catholic upbringing ?

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"Few have the stomach to pursue truth , yet most know in their gut something is wrong" V

"But everyone knows the media doesn't inform. Duhhhhhh !! "

antichrist

to be interested in religion one way or another - yes

- V -

Does that also involve blocking out comprehension of particular elements of the narrative ?

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"Few have the stomach to pursue truth , yet most know in their gut something is wrong" V

"But everyone knows the media doesn't inform. Duhhhhhh !! "

antichrist

Catholics dont have to understand the narrative, just to go to church etc