Non - Chessplayers - OzChess

**The Seeing** · 10-03-2011, 04:14 PM

Ozchess wants to hear from you with your experiences of non-chessplayers.
To some they are a minor irritation to others they are the bane of their existence .
How do you cope with them ?

Ozchess is very fortunate that one of our members is a long time specialist in this field having studied the non-chessplayer for several decades . His new book : "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " [actually the title is slightly misleading , probably purposefully so , as in a sealed section at the rear of the book - complete systems of "disappearing" non-chessplayers are outlined in shocking detail] is really the last word on this subject .

It is my absolute pleasure to introduce the great man himself - Firegoat7 to give a short presentation here on those dreaded non-chessplayers .
Please make him feel welcome , over to you FG - ......

**antichrist** · 10-03-2011, 04:18 PM

A. They are covered in spittle .
Today 01:49 AMgriller
Q.If you put fg and griller in a room with a group of random ppl unknown to both of them where half are chessplayers and half are not . At the end of the night how can you tell which ones are the non-chessplayers ?

**Firegoat7** · 10-03-2011, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by The Seeing

Ozchess is very fortunate that one of our members is a long time specialist in this field and has studied the non-chessplayer for several decades . His new book : "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " is really the last word on this subject .

Thank you for the kind introduction The Seeing.

I guess where we should start the discussion is with the conceptualisation that the non chessplayer is both culturally and biologically deprived.

Culturally speaking, they are unable to function on the most basic of levels, within the chessplayer environment because all things seem alien, and confronting, in contrast to their boring mundane lifestyles. However, it is interesting to note that Biologically speaking, they also evolve into beings genetically inferior to chess players due to not being able to exercise the neurons in their brains. Thus proving that since they cannot think chess, they lose the capacity to think full stop.

This is the basic premise of my book "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " in which I argue that gross materialism and egoism has caused many problems for the culture of chess. I take the rather radical view, that the statement "brain dead" should be labelled for all non-players. And finally arrive at a point where I challenge the reader to accept my conclusion that non chess players are incapable of thinking!

Readers please feel free to ask me anything about my book in this thread, as I am happy to answer all questions

**Iconoclast** · 10-03-2011, 06:00 PM

Everyone plays chess - they just play it differently. They use about 250 different pieces that move in unique ways. Most pieces are living and most of the board is context. In this chess-like game, not losing is considered to be winning. Also, the game never ends because the pieces multiply - except for the dud lines that go extinct. Finally, the game is won less by conflict and won more by cooperation.

In the context of this place I suggest, DON'T FEED THE TROLL

**WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime** · 10-03-2011, 06:17 PM

Thank you FG.
I found your book utterly fantastic .It was things i had been thinking about for years , but you brought all the aspects together from anthropology to history to sociology to biology .
An extraordinary work , i must commend you and thank you deeply for truly opening my eyes to the scourge that live amongst us .And the practical measures we can use to deal with them .

If i could just share this recent experience with you.

My trip to the city a fortnight ago . I travelled in by train to buy an antique wooden chess board from a little shop in the lanes . I carried the board unwrapped ,under my arm, with the squares showing proudly on the OUTSIDE ( as fg advises all chessplayers to do !) . As i approached the Flinders St steps on my way home, a young fella walking up beside me ,said " hey mate , i s'pose youre going to go and play some draughts are you ? "
I didn't say a word . I just remembered fg's book , and when i got to the top of the steps , i thrust out my left arm and swept the vulgar little man down the full flight . I then proceeded to walk casually and confidently to the platform and took the train home , feeling empowered . And thats all thanks to you FG .

Just one thing i noted in your book fg . The part where you talk about what to do in social situations when you run out of spittle . In the chapter headed " Dry mouth :What to do ? "

Often i find myself totally exhausted at the end of the day from spitting on so many non-chessplayers , be they at the supermarket , post office , wherever . That now i carry around a squirt bottle with me . I carry it on my belt in a soft leather pouch holster .
What i do , when i'm at the chessclub i pass around a spitoon for members , when they have a spare moment , they make small contributions . At the end of the night i pour it into my squirt bottle and i'm set for the next few days .

Remember as fg says , it is NOT assault if its Chessplayer on NON -chessplayer !

**WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime** · 10-03-2011, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

Everyone plays chess - they just play it differently. They use about 250 different pieces that move in unique ways. Most pieces are living and most of the board is context. In this chess-like game, not losing is considered to be winning. Also, the game never ends because the pieces multiply - except for the dud lines that go extinct. Finally, the game is won less by conflict and won more by cooperation.

In the context of this place I suggest, DON'T FEED THE TROLL

You're not on the turps are you ?

**antichrist** · 10-03-2011, 07:15 PM

Today 07:08 PMantichrist (Edit · Delete)
I imagine such spittle would be like Jesus spitting on sinners - it can only do them well

Today 07:08 PMThe Seeing
you bet your sweet ass

Today 07:09 PMantichrist (Edit · Delete)
like Obama spitting on whites - could only improve their complexion, literally and figuratively

Today 07:09 PMThe Seeing
now youre going too far

(if FG complains re my trolling in this thread only way I will quit)

**antichrist** · 10-03-2011, 07:16 PM

hey Iconoclast
take a long walk on a short pier why dont you - ha ha

**Black Onyx** · 10-05-2011, 03:42 AM

Congratulations FG from me too .

I could not put your book down . The revelations just seemed to flow one after another in a cavalcade of pure reason, profundity and light .
To be left untouched by the power of this book is to me to be only quasi human . As FG so eloquently explains in his chapter : " The Undead " where he goes right back to the roots of the non-chessplayer paradigmical concept from ancient egypt to the medieval period to today . He explores the very depths of what it is to be human and what actually constitutes life itself in his extraordinarily constructed matrix of intertwining and intersecting philosophical ideas .
The reader , by the book's end , is left in crystal clear certainty , bereft of the slightest doubt , that indeed, the non-chessplayer is to be avoided like the very plague itself . Which FG graphically details in his chapter " It's just not worth it ! " .

Personally , i follow FG 's rules , if or when i'm in the unfortunate situation of having to "deal" with a dastardly NC .

1) Make as minimal eye contact as possible .
This will ensure the NC will be kept at a safe distance away .
When you have to make eye contact , make sure to wear a slight almost imperceptible smirk and tilt the head 5-10 deg skywards . This will ensure that the correct order is maintained.

2) If you are to employ the tried and true ceremonial spit method .We recommend you aim for the face and eyes . This will ensure maximum praise from Caissa . And Caissa will probably reward you in your next tournament game with a brilliant sacrificial win .

3) DO NOT ALLOW A NC ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR PERSONAL SPACE OR BELONGINGS They cannot be trusted and will upset your Caissa-Karmic energy flow .

4) If you're in the unfortunate position of a NC actually touching any of your chess equipment , be it pieces, board ,clocks, scoresheets , mascots , talismans or lucky underwear . Wash the offended item/s thoroughly with a strong antiseptic .
Then proceed with the cleansing ritual as outlined in the chapter : " Keep that filth away from me " .

Questions for FG :

1) Do you ever see a time when we will finally be free of the NC menace ?

2) What is the main message you'd have for the kiddies out there to protect them from the NC threat ?

3) What do you think are the most important issues moving forward in the new millennium for the warriors of Caissa ?

4) I know that you had to spend hours upon hours in the company of NC to research your book . How did you cope ?? What kept you going , through what at times must have been very difficult for such an honourable warrior as yourself ?

5) Ive had to kill well over 150 NCs in my life . How many have you killed ?

Thank you again FG .
You are a beacon in the night for all true chess-warriors both in this world and the next .

We are sons of War

**The Seeing** · 10-05-2011, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by antichrist

A. They are covered in spittle .
Today 01:49 AMgriller
Q.If you put fg and griller in a room with a group of random ppl unknown to both of them where half are chessplayers and half are not . At the end of the night how can you tell which ones are the non-chessplayers ?

That was actually based on a line from FG's book :

" Put a Caissa Warrior in a room full of unknown random people , and by the end of the night , you will know who the non-chessplayers are , as they will be the ones covered in spittle "

**Firegoat7** · 10-05-2011, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by Black Onyx

Congratulations FG from me too .

Questions for FG :

1) Do you ever see a time when we will finally be free of the NC menace ?

It is plausible that once human beings,as a species, accept robot chip implants as their evolutionary fate, then it may be possible. But, having Chess Titans grafted to your brain membrane is a far cry from being a real chess player. So I guess the answer is no.

2) What is the main message you'd have for the kiddies out there to protect them from the NC threat ?

Start thinking for yourself, when anybody tells you that too much chess is a bad thing, look them deadpan in the eye and say "....Well if the alternative is to live a balanced boring lifestyle- then I reject being normal .....FREAK!"

3) What do you think are the most important issues moving forward in the new millennium for the warriors of Caissa ?

a) Holy Jihad versus all Computer programmers
b) Better blitz clocks
c) Can Michael Baron reach 2800 at MCC allegros

4) I know that you had to spend hours upon hours in the company of NC to research your book . How did you cope ?? What kept you going , through what at times must have been very difficult for such an honourable warrior as yourself ?

Look its not that difficult , as a trained anthropologist, I simply had to suspend my moral belief system temporarily so that I could try to understand their world. At first it was difficult to grasp , but then I realised that Non Chess players are a little smarter then fish, but a little dumber then cats. So I just followed the guiding principle and behaved like a sheep whenever I wasn't sure what to do.

I found that repeating the last thing said to me normally got me out of most trouble. I cite an example where a local lad had organised a mob to beat up a lone chess player for cutting in on his lunch. He screamed out " Im gonna kill you" so I repeated "YOOOOOUUUUU" at the top of my voice, which of course confused everyone into laughter. Thus enabling the chess player to make 16 moves in less then a second. By the time the mob figured out what had happened, the lone chess player was smoking a cigarette with their leaders girlfriend at her place.

5) Ive had to kill well over 150 NCs in my life . How many have you killed ?

There is no real need to kill any life form that is less evolved then yourself. I pity the non chess player, as they are simply unable too keep their brains working. An 8 year old chess player can easily out calculate the most sophisticated of non chess playing adults. The fact that you seem to relish such behaviour seems to indicate that you spend to much of your time solving checkmates and not enough time PLAYING chess.

Thank you again FG .
You are a beacon in the night for all true chess-warriors both in this world and the next .

No problem.

We are sons of War

[/quote]

**Iconoclast** · 10-06-2011, 05:29 PM

Consider riding a train to a weekender where there is the strong possibility of there being a GM performing vivisection upon your club mates. Consider the other passengers as humans - for indeed they are just that, humans. Consider your own place in this scene. You are for the duration of the journey from your own front door to the sign on table, just like them. Walking like them, ticket purchasing, embarking, sit staring swaying and lurching just like them, alighting, obeying signs, alarms, and flashing lights. To a Martian you are indistinguishable from those around you.

Non-chess players (NC) too, think of you as one of their group - pissing on, shitting on, carrying on, going on, and then going off. The thesis as presented in "Non-Chess Players: Can't live with them , can't shoot them" attempts to divide us along cleavage lines never meant to be split along, or as Monsieur Fire Goat would write, ever meant to be spit upon.

The casual chess reader of this polemic is lured to take the poison pawn of speciesism from the opening paragraph. "You are one of a kind, unlike any other, crushing your enemies, you are are a CHESS PLAYER." Such trite cant belongs on free to air television commercials. More disturbing is the fact that Goats book has been on GAMBIT'S Top Ten for over 26 weeks. With so many acolytes (read Lickspitals) penning glowing reviews there can be no surprise that a book launch and speaking tour was never required. Given the growing disquiet among NCs at being portrayed as microcephalic detritus feeders, Goat would be wise not to appear in public engagements. I duly noted that my own wife is intent on giving him a slap across the face with a used tampon in reaction to his spitting at her.

A more erudite treatise on the trials of being a Chess Player is my own contribution: From Draughts and Cards to Checkmate: Evolution of the GM. In it I analyse current peer reviewed papers detailing the fossilised games found in toy boxes, ontological development of H.Sapien and C. Player, and compelling DNA analysis showing that NC and C.Player have been interbreeding for at least forty generations. In new data presented in my own work I show that contary to reports in specist publications, today they live together and reproduce just as I and my NC wife have done.

In a gesture of recrimination I invite Fire Goat to a game of Chess Spitting at a time and place of his choosing. Only two non-FIDE rules: Both of us must be nude so that spittal runs and covers the whole body and no wipes before checkmate.

**WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime** · 10-06-2011, 08:12 PM

IMMUNITY CARDS

If you're in the unfortunate situation of having a mother ,brother,sister or any relation as a NC . There are steps under Caissa law that allow them to apply for an immunity card . Which are bright red cards made of highly absorbent material with a glow in the dark symbol of Caissa on them .

They simply have to prove a close connection with a currently existing chessplayer and also prove that they have supported that player in some way . These cards are available from all good chess clubs and chess shops . A small fee applies which goes to the yearly Caissa Arts Festival .

So when the NC in question is approached by a chessplayer and is asked that crucial question " Do you play chess ? " They are to immediately ( remember any time lost here , can see them very quickly covered head to foot in spittle ) reach for their card , thrust it out at arms length , protecting the face and eyes , whilst simultaneously saying " no , but i have the card ! "

We find that this system minimises harm done to supportive NC family members of Caissa Warriors .

FRIENDLY FIRE

I was queuing for a felafel in Fitzroy last week .
Initially the crowd was quite sparse and i was able to maintain FG's prescribed 1 - 1.5 m safe distance from suspected NCs . But service was slow , the crowd grew and it became more and more difficult , until i was totally surrounded at close quarters .

I now had no choice . I started firing off THE QUESTION :" Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - , " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - " Do you play chess ? " - " Maybe " - HOLD - " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - . I ended up in a swirling dervish spitting frenzy . It was all a blur .

As the NCs went crying off screaming down the street there was one man who remained , who had spittle on his left shoulder , he turned around with a face like thunder ,....... OMG ! .... It was DARRYL JOHANSEN !!!

I was stunned for a moment in what was a terrible situation .
Not only had i commited the sin of spitting on a chessplayer , i had spat on a Grandmaster and one of Australia's greatest ever players !

Luckily i remembered FG's book and quickly sprung into action . I pulled out my scoresheet ( it looks just like a normal scoresheet but is made from the same highly absorbent material as above, and is blessed by Caissa in the ritual detailed in the book . These can be purchased from the MCC Bookshop - $10 for a pack of 6 )

--------------- What Happened next ??! ------- Can you guess ? ----Stay tuned ! --------

**Firegoat7** · 10-08-2011, 02:02 AM

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

Consider riding a train to a weekender where there is the strong possibility of there being a GM performing vivisection upon your club mates.

This ain't happening. In fact it is quite the opposite. Once the GM'S enter MCC territory they quickly realise that this is not a controlled experiment. You must have read my chapter 41:Bunnysharks entertain the Vultures Where I talk in great length about Chris "Hello Bruce" Kolak taking games of Ivanchuk, and Michael Kagan Snr replying to the comment "You just beat a GM" with, "He didn't play like a Grandmaster". GM Oll was never the same and died a few years later jumping out of a building. His last words were " Why did I waste my life playing the French"

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

Consider the other passengers as humans - for indeed they are just that, humans.

Human beings are a de-evolution of the simian genus. I feel pity, but I do not wish to listen to their inferior arguments about life.

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

Consider your own place in this scene. You are for the duration of the journey from your own front door to the sign on table, just like them. Walking like them, ticket purchasing, embarking, sit staring swaying and lurching just like them, alighting, obeying signs, alarms, and flashing lights.

What is wrong with you Freak!! Chessplayers don't buy train tickets, nor do they obey! Seriously, you need to play a bit more chess and realise NO! NO! NO! I am not like these ordinary NC's

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

To a Martian you are indistinguishable from those around you.

Oh Really? I have yet to see any Martian Theory in the classical chess texts, therefore if they do exist, they certainly don't play chess. I spit on this imaginary assumption....PFFFFFFFT!

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

Non-chess players (NC) too, think of you as one of their group - pissing on, shitting on, carrying on, going on, and then going off.

Of course they do! Their little brains are not able to deal with the complexity of constantly analysing multiple complex contradictory evidence. How can these NC Sheeples ever understand the inner working of the Chessplayers wolf mind.

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

The thesis as presented in "Non-Chess Players: Can't live with them , can't shoot them" attempts to divide us along cleavage lines never meant to be split along, or as Monsieur Fire Goat would write, ever meant to be spit upon.

The casual chess reader of this polemic is lured to take the poison pawn of speciesism from the opening paragraph.

The casual chess player is WARNED about the dangerous behaviour of behaving like a non-chess player. They are told in no uncertain terms that if they want to be average and normal then keep quitting and restarting chess. They will then reap the karma of their own self pity...too afraid to face the abyss of mediocrity.

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

"You are one of a kind, unlike any other, crushing your enemies, you are are a CHESS PLAYER.

Incorrect. You need to reread Chapter 27 Winners and Losers In which I patiently build the ontological picture for the casual reader. Only Non-Chess players believe that chess is about crushing your opposition. This is a simplistic NC view of chess that is typically arrogant and misconstrued. The real chess players, the ones who have faced the abyss of mediocrity know that the real battle is with the self.

Let me quote from the book "...To lose is not the real problem. The real problem is to face the abyss knowing that there is a 1-2% chance of success. The dedicated chess player has an inbuilt resistance towards suffering and hardship that is impossible for the NC to understand. Every time they sit down and play they have to make an attempt to WIN, both as the favorite and the underdog. It is not enough to want to WIN, in fact this is a disastrous approach, they actually have to implement a plan to WIN. Not easy, when probability ranks you as a 98% underdog. The ability to try, fail constantly, and try again is what really separates the "real" winners form the "real' losers

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

" Such trite cant belongs on free to air television commercials. More disturbing is the fact that Goats book has been on GAMBIT'S Top Ten for over 26 weeks. With so many acolytes (read Lickspitals) penning glowing reviews there can be no surprise that a book launch and speaking tour was never required. Given the growing disquiet among NCs at being portrayed as microcephalic detritus feeders, Goat would be wise not to appear in public engagements. I duly noted that my own wife is intent on giving him a slap across the face with a used tampon in reaction to his spitting at her.

It is only out of personal respect for your great self that I don't Danzasmack your wife. I certainly know from personal experience that most NC women find the experience liberating.

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

A more erudite treatise on the trials of being a Chess Player is my own contribution: From Draughts and Cards to Checkmate: Evolution of the GM. In it I analyse current peer reviewed papers detailing the fossilised games found in toy boxes, ontological development of H.Sapien and C. Player, and compelling DNA analysis showing that NC and C.Player have been interbreeding for at least forty generations. In new data presented in my own work I show that contary to reports in specist publications, today they live together and reproduce just as I and my NC wife have done.

The only copy I owned was a present from a NC. I used it for toilet paper thus reducing my carbon footprint in the process.

Originally Posted by Iconoclast

In a gesture of recrimination I invite Fire Goat to a game of Chess Spitting at a time and place of his choosing. Only two non-FIDE rules: Both of us must be nude so that spittal runs and covers the whole body and no wipes before checkmate.

I must decline, again as a mark of respect, if only to save your marriage from the inevitable breakdown it will suffer when your wife realises the true reason why Fide ratings are more important then ACF ones. Non Fide rated players are the enuchs of the Chess environment!

**antichrist** · 10-09-2011, 03:29 PM

FG there is a easy simple answer to NC, just consider them zombies, who actually existed. People were buried for a certain period, maybe a day which broke their free will, then they were hypnotised to work or be sex slaves whatever - some even became CC moderators and can't get it out of their heads

10-03-2011, 04:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
The Seeing Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 263	Non - Chessplayers Ozchess wants to hear from you with your experiences of non-chessplayers. To some they are a minor irritation to others they are the bane of their existence . How do you cope with them ? Ozchess is very fortunate that one of our members is a long time specialist in this field having studied the non-chessplayer for several decades . His new book : "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " [actually the title is slightly misleading , probably purposefully so , as in a sealed section at the rear of the book - complete systems of "disappearing" non-chessplayers are outlined in shocking detail] is really the last word on this subject . It is my absolute pleasure to introduce the great man himself - Firegoat7 to give a short presentation here on those dreaded non-chessplayers . Please make him feel welcome , over to you FG - ...... Last edited by The Seeing : 12-04-2011 at 02:57 AM

10-03-2011, 05:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
Firegoat7 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Getting owned by White in the Dragon and trying to recover lost positions from shock paralysis OTB Posts: 2,044 ICC Handle: guest	Originally Posted by The Seeing Ozchess is very fortunate that one of our members is a long time specialist in this field and has studied the non-chessplayer for several decades . His new book : "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " is really the last word on this subject . Thank you for the kind introduction The Seeing. I guess where we should start the discussion is with the conceptualisation that the non chessplayer is both culturally and biologically deprived. Culturally speaking, they are unable to function on the most basic of levels, within the chessplayer environment because all things seem alien, and confronting, in contrast to their boring mundane lifestyles. However, it is interesting to note that Biologically speaking, they also evolve into beings genetically inferior to chess players due to not being able to exercise the neurons in their brains. Thus proving that since they cannot think chess, they lose the capacity to think full stop. This is the basic premise of my book "Non - chessplayers , can't live with them , can't shoot them " in which I argue that gross materialism and egoism has caused many problems for the culture of chess. I take the rather radical view, that the statement "brain dead" should be labelled for all non-players. And finally arrive at a point where I challenge the reader to accept my conclusion that non chess players are incapable of thinking! Readers please feel free to ask me anything about my book in this thread, as I am happy to answer all questions __________________ "...What I meant? Dear Mr Ian Rout (ACF news publisher) could you please put Ozchessforum in the next news letter! There is no reason to hide this forum from the Australian chess public. What they meant? Sorry, No english!- Amir Karibasic

10-03-2011, 06:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
Iconoclast Immoderator Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Wollongong NSW Posts: 2,302	Everyone plays chess - they just play it differently. They use about 250 different pieces that move in unique ways. Most pieces are living and most of the board is context. In this chess-like game, not losing is considered to be winning. Also, the game never ends because the pieces multiply - except for the dud lines that go extinct. Finally, the game is won less by conflict and won more by cooperation. In the context of this place I suggest, DON'T FEED THE TROLL __________________ The individual is hopeless without the group. The group is hopeless without its individuals.

10-03-2011, 06:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 88	Thank you FG. I found your book utterly fantastic .It was things i had been thinking about for years , but you brought all the aspects together from anthropology to history to sociology to biology . An extraordinary work , i must commend you and thank you deeply for truly opening my eyes to the scourge that live amongst us .And the practical measures we can use to deal with them . If i could just share this recent experience with you. My trip to the city a fortnight ago . I travelled in by train to buy an antique wooden chess board from a little shop in the lanes . I carried the board unwrapped ,under my arm, with the squares showing proudly on the OUTSIDE ( as fg advises all chessplayers to do !) . As i approached the Flinders St steps on my way home, a young fella walking up beside me ,said " hey mate , i s'pose youre going to go and play some draughts are you ? " I didn't say a word . I just remembered fg's book , and when i got to the top of the steps , i thrust out my left arm and swept the vulgar little man down the full flight . I then proceeded to walk casually and confidently to the platform and took the train home , feeling empowered . And thats all thanks to you FG . Just one thing i noted in your book fg . The part where you talk about what to do in social situations when you run out of spittle . In the chapter headed " Dry mouth :What to do ? " Often i find myself totally exhausted at the end of the day from spitting on so many non-chessplayers , be they at the supermarket , post office , wherever . That now i carry around a squirt bottle with me . I carry it on my belt in a soft leather pouch holster . What i do , when i'm at the chessclub i pass around a spitoon for members , when they have a spare moment , they make small contributions . At the end of the night i pour it into my squirt bottle and i'm set for the next few days . Remember as fg says , it is NOT assault if its Chessplayer on NON -chessplayer ! Last edited by WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime : 10-05-2011 at 05:47 AM

10-03-2011, 06:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 88	Originally Posted by Iconoclast Everyone plays chess - they just play it differently. They use about 250 different pieces that move in unique ways. Most pieces are living and most of the board is context. In this chess-like game, not losing is considered to be winning. Also, the game never ends because the pieces multiply - except for the dud lines that go extinct. Finally, the game is won less by conflict and won more by cooperation. In the context of this place I suggest, DON'T FEED THE TROLL You're not on the turps are you ?

10-03-2011, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
antichrist Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Byron Bay, NSW Posts: 2,821	A. They are covered in spittle . Today 01:49 AMgriller Q.If you put fg and griller in a room with a group of random ppl unknown to both of them where half are chessplayers and half are not . At the end of the night how can you tell which ones are the non-chessplayers ?

10-03-2011, 07:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
antichrist Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Byron Bay, NSW Posts: 2,821	Today 07:08 PMantichrist (Edit · Delete) I imagine such spittle would be like Jesus spitting on sinners - it can only do them well Today 07:08 PMThe Seeing you bet your sweet ass Today 07:09 PMantichrist (Edit · Delete) like Obama spitting on whites - could only improve their complexion, literally and figuratively Today 07:09 PMThe Seeing now youre going too far (if FG complains re my trolling in this thread only way I will quit)

10-03-2011, 07:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
antichrist Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Byron Bay, NSW Posts: 2,821	hey Iconoclast take a long walk on a short pier why dont you - ha ha

10-05-2011, 03:42 AM	#9 (permalink)
Black Onyx Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 75	Congratulations FG from me too . I could not put your book down . The revelations just seemed to flow one after another in a cavalcade of pure reason, profundity and light . To be left untouched by the power of this book is to me to be only quasi human . As FG so eloquently explains in his chapter : " The Undead " where he goes right back to the roots of the non-chessplayer paradigmical concept from ancient egypt to the medieval period to today . He explores the very depths of what it is to be human and what actually constitutes life itself in his extraordinarily constructed matrix of intertwining and intersecting philosophical ideas . The reader , by the book's end , is left in crystal clear certainty , bereft of the slightest doubt , that indeed, the non-chessplayer is to be avoided like the very plague itself . Which FG graphically details in his chapter " It's just not worth it ! " . Personally , i follow FG 's rules , if or when i'm in the unfortunate situation of having to "deal" with a dastardly NC . 1) Make as minimal eye contact as possible . This will ensure the NC will be kept at a safe distance away . When you have to make eye contact , make sure to wear a slight almost imperceptible smirk and tilt the head 5-10 deg skywards . This will ensure that the correct order is maintained. 2) If you are to employ the tried and true ceremonial spit method .We recommend you aim for the face and eyes . This will ensure maximum praise from Caissa . And Caissa will probably reward you in your next tournament game with a brilliant sacrificial win . 3) DO NOT ALLOW A NC ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR PERSONAL SPACE OR BELONGINGS They cannot be trusted and will upset your Caissa-Karmic energy flow . 4) If you're in the unfortunate position of a NC actually touching any of your chess equipment , be it pieces, board ,clocks, scoresheets , mascots , talismans or lucky underwear . Wash the offended item/s thoroughly with a strong antiseptic . Then proceed with the cleansing ritual as outlined in the chapter : " Keep that filth away from me " . Questions for FG : 1) Do you ever see a time when we will finally be free of the NC menace ? 2) What is the main message you'd have for the kiddies out there to protect them from the NC threat ? 3) What do you think are the most important issues moving forward in the new millennium for the warriors of Caissa ? 4) I know that you had to spend hours upon hours in the company of NC to research your book . How did you cope ?? What kept you going , through what at times must have been very difficult for such an honourable warrior as yourself ? 5) Ive had to kill well over 150 NCs in my life . How many have you killed ? Thank you again FG . You are a beacon in the night for all true chess-warriors both in this world and the next . We are sons of War __________________ The Black Onyx - The Grief Stone † " Thou board is thy canvas , thou shalt not want " Black Onyx Last edited by Black Onyx : 10-05-2011 at 05:54 AM

10-05-2011, 07:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
The Seeing Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 263	Originally Posted by antichrist A. They are covered in spittle . Today 01:49 AMgriller Q.If you put fg and griller in a room with a group of random ppl unknown to both of them where half are chessplayers and half are not . At the end of the night how can you tell which ones are the non-chessplayers ? That was actually based on a line from FG's book : " Put a Caissa Warrior in a room full of unknown random people , and by the end of the night , you will know who the non-chessplayers are , as they will be the ones covered in spittle " Last edited by The Seeing : 10-06-2011 at 11:23 PM

10-05-2011, 05:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
Firegoat7 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Getting owned by White in the Dragon and trying to recover lost positions from shock paralysis OTB Posts: 2,044 ICC Handle: guest	Originally Posted by Black Onyx Congratulations FG from me too . Questions for FG : 1) Do you ever see a time when we will finally be free of the NC menace ? It is plausible that once human beings,as a species, accept robot chip implants as their evolutionary fate, then it may be possible. But, having Chess Titans grafted to your brain membrane is a far cry from being a real chess player. So I guess the answer is no. 2) What is the main message you'd have for the kiddies out there to protect them from the NC threat ? Start thinking for yourself, when anybody tells you that too much chess is a bad thing, look them deadpan in the eye and say "....Well if the alternative is to live a balanced boring lifestyle- then I reject being normal .....FREAK!" 3) What do you think are the most important issues moving forward in the new millennium for the warriors of Caissa ? a) Holy Jihad versus all Computer programmers b) Better blitz clocks c) Can Michael Baron reach 2800 at MCC allegros 4) I know that you had to spend hours upon hours in the company of NC to research your book . How did you cope ?? What kept you going , through what at times must have been very difficult for such an honourable warrior as yourself ? Look its not that difficult , as a trained anthropologist, I simply had to suspend my moral belief system temporarily so that I could try to understand their world. At first it was difficult to grasp , but then I realised that Non Chess players are a little smarter then fish, but a little dumber then cats. So I just followed the guiding principle and behaved like a sheep whenever I wasn't sure what to do. I found that repeating the last thing said to me normally got me out of most trouble. I cite an example where a local lad had organised a mob to beat up a lone chess player for cutting in on his lunch. He screamed out " Im gonna kill you" so I repeated "YOOOOOUUUUU" at the top of my voice, which of course confused everyone into laughter. Thus enabling the chess player to make 16 moves in less then a second. By the time the mob figured out what had happened, the lone chess player was smoking a cigarette with their leaders girlfriend at her place. 5) Ive had to kill well over 150 NCs in my life . How many have you killed ? There is no real need to kill any life form that is less evolved then yourself. I pity the non chess player, as they are simply unable too keep their brains working. An 8 year old chess player can easily out calculate the most sophisticated of non chess playing adults. The fact that you seem to relish such behaviour seems to indicate that you spend to much of your time solving checkmates and not enough time PLAYING chess. Thank you again FG . You are a beacon in the night for all true chess-warriors both in this world and the next . No problem. We are sons of War [/quote] __________________ "...What I meant? Dear Mr Ian Rout (ACF news publisher) could you please put Ozchessforum in the next news letter! There is no reason to hide this forum from the Australian chess public. What they meant? Sorry, No english!- Amir Karibasic

10-06-2011, 05:29 PM	#12 (permalink)
Iconoclast Immoderator Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Wollongong NSW Posts: 2,302	Consider riding a train to a weekender where there is the strong possibility of there being a GM performing vivisection upon your club mates. Consider the other passengers as humans - for indeed they are just that, humans. Consider your own place in this scene. You are for the duration of the journey from your own front door to the sign on table, just like them. Walking like them, ticket purchasing, embarking, sit staring swaying and lurching just like them, alighting, obeying signs, alarms, and flashing lights. To a Martian you are indistinguishable from those around you. Non-chess players (NC) too, think of you as one of their group - pissing on, shitting on, carrying on, going on, and then going off. The thesis as presented in "Non-Chess Players: Can't live with them , can't shoot them" attempts to divide us along cleavage lines never meant to be split along, or as Monsieur Fire Goat would write, ever meant to be spit upon. The casual chess reader of this polemic is lured to take the poison pawn of speciesism from the opening paragraph. "You are one of a kind, unlike any other, crushing your enemies, you are are a CHESS PLAYER." Such trite cant belongs on free to air television commercials. More disturbing is the fact that Goats book has been on GAMBIT'S Top Ten for over 26 weeks. With so many acolytes (read Lickspitals) penning glowing reviews there can be no surprise that a book launch and speaking tour was never required. Given the growing disquiet among NCs at being portrayed as microcephalic detritus feeders, Goat would be wise not to appear in public engagements. I duly noted that my own wife is intent on giving him a slap across the face with a used tampon in reaction to his spitting at her. A more erudite treatise on the trials of being a Chess Player is my own contribution: From Draughts and Cards to Checkmate: Evolution of the GM. In it I analyse current peer reviewed papers detailing the fossilised games found in toy boxes, ontological development of H.Sapien and C. Player, and compelling DNA analysis showing that NC and C.Player have been interbreeding for at least forty generations. In new data presented in my own work I show that contary to reports in specist publications, today they live together and reproduce just as I and my NC wife have done. In a gesture of recrimination I invite Fire Goat to a game of Chess Spitting at a time and place of his choosing. Only two non-FIDE rules: Both of us must be nude so that spittal runs and covers the whole body and no wipes before checkmate. __________________ The individual is hopeless without the group. The group is hopeless without its individuals.

10-06-2011, 08:12 PM	#13 (permalink)
WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 88	IMMUNITY CARDS If you're in the unfortunate situation of having a mother ,brother,sister or any relation as a NC . There are steps under Caissa law that allow them to apply for an immunity card . Which are bright red cards made of highly absorbent material with a glow in the dark symbol of Caissa on them . They simply have to prove a close connection with a currently existing chessplayer and also prove that they have supported that player in some way . These cards are available from all good chess clubs and chess shops . A small fee applies which goes to the yearly Caissa Arts Festival . So when the NC in question is approached by a chessplayer and is asked that crucial question " Do you play chess ? " They are to immediately ( remember any time lost here , can see them very quickly covered head to foot in spittle ) reach for their card , thrust it out at arms length , protecting the face and eyes , whilst simultaneously saying " no , but i have the card ! " We find that this system minimises harm done to supportive NC family members of Caissa Warriors . FRIENDLY FIRE I was queuing for a felafel in Fitzroy last week . Initially the crowd was quite sparse and i was able to maintain FG's prescribed 1 - 1.5 m safe distance from suspected NCs . But service was slow , the crowd grew and it became more and more difficult , until i was totally surrounded at close quarters . I now had no choice . I started firing off THE QUESTION :" Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - , " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - " Do you play chess ? " - " Maybe " - HOLD - " Do you play chess ? " - "NO" - SPIT - . I ended up in a swirling dervish spitting frenzy . It was all a blur . As the NCs went crying off screaming down the street there was one man who remained , who had spittle on his left shoulder , he turned around with a face like thunder ,....... OMG ! .... It was DARRYL JOHANSEN !!! I was stunned for a moment in what was a terrible situation . Not only had i commited the sin of spitting on a chessplayer , i had spat on a Grandmaster and one of Australia's greatest ever players ! Luckily i remembered FG's book and quickly sprung into action . I pulled out my scoresheet ( it looks just like a normal scoresheet but is made from the same highly absorbent material as above, and is blessed by Caissa in the ritual detailed in the book . These can be purchased from the MCC Bookshop - $10 for a pack of 6 ) --------------- What Happened next ??! ------- Can you guess ? ----Stay tuned ! -------- Last edited by WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime : 10-07-2011 at 05:47 PM

10-08-2011, 02:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
Firegoat7 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Getting owned by White in the Dragon and trying to recover lost positions from shock paralysis OTB Posts: 2,044 ICC Handle: guest	Originally Posted by Iconoclast Consider riding a train to a weekender where there is the strong possibility of there being a GM performing vivisection upon your club mates. This ain't happening. In fact it is quite the opposite. Once the GM'S enter MCC territory they quickly realise that this is not a controlled experiment. You must have read my chapter 41:Bunnysharks entertain the Vultures Where I talk in great length about Chris "Hello Bruce" Kolak taking games of Ivanchuk, and Michael Kagan Snr replying to the comment "You just beat a GM" with, "He didn't play like a Grandmaster". GM Oll was never the same and died a few years later jumping out of a building. His last words were " Why did I waste my life playing the French" Originally Posted by Iconoclast Consider the other passengers as humans - for indeed they are just that, humans. Human beings are a de-evolution of the simian genus. I feel pity, but I do not wish to listen to their inferior arguments about life. Originally Posted by Iconoclast Consider your own place in this scene. You are for the duration of the journey from your own front door to the sign on table, just like them. Walking like them, ticket purchasing, embarking, sit staring swaying and lurching just like them, alighting, obeying signs, alarms, and flashing lights. What is wrong with you Freak!! Chessplayers don't buy train tickets, nor do they obey! Seriously, you need to play a bit more chess and realise NO! NO! NO! I am not like these ordinary NC's Originally Posted by Iconoclast To a Martian you are indistinguishable from those around you. Oh Really? I have yet to see any Martian Theory in the classical chess texts, therefore if they do exist, they certainly don't play chess. I spit on this imaginary assumption....PFFFFFFFT! Originally Posted by Iconoclast Non-chess players (NC) too, think of you as one of their group - pissing on, shitting on, carrying on, going on, and then going off. Of course they do! Their little brains are not able to deal with the complexity of constantly analysing multiple complex contradictory evidence. How can these NC Sheeples ever understand the inner working of the Chessplayers wolf mind. Originally Posted by Iconoclast The thesis as presented in "Non-Chess Players: Can't live with them , can't shoot them" attempts to divide us along cleavage lines never meant to be split along, or as Monsieur Fire Goat would write, ever meant to be spit upon. The casual chess reader of this polemic is lured to take the poison pawn of speciesism from the opening paragraph. The casual chess player is WARNED about the dangerous behaviour of behaving like a non-chess player. They are told in no uncertain terms that if they want to be average and normal then keep quitting and restarting chess. They will then reap the karma of their own self pity...too afraid to face the abyss of mediocrity. Originally Posted by Iconoclast "You are one of a kind, unlike any other, crushing your enemies, you are are a CHESS PLAYER. Incorrect. You need to reread Chapter 27 Winners and Losers In which I patiently build the ontological picture for the casual reader. Only Non-Chess players believe that chess is about crushing your opposition. This is a simplistic NC view of chess that is typically arrogant and misconstrued. The real chess players, the ones who have faced the abyss of mediocrity know that the real battle is with the self. Let me quote from the book "...To lose is not the real problem. The real problem is to face the abyss knowing that there is a 1-2% chance of success. The dedicated chess player has an inbuilt resistance towards suffering and hardship that is impossible for the NC to understand. Every time they sit down and play they have to make an attempt to WIN, both as the favorite and the underdog. It is not enough to want to WIN, in fact this is a disastrous approach, they actually have to implement a plan to WIN. Not easy, when probability ranks you as a 98% underdog. The ability to try, fail constantly, and try again is what really separates the "real" winners form the "real' losers Originally Posted by Iconoclast " Such trite cant belongs on free to air television commercials. More disturbing is the fact that Goats book has been on GAMBIT'S Top Ten for over 26 weeks. With so many acolytes (read Lickspitals) penning glowing reviews there can be no surprise that a book launch and speaking tour was never required. Given the growing disquiet among NCs at being portrayed as microcephalic detritus feeders, Goat would be wise not to appear in public engagements. I duly noted that my own wife is intent on giving him a slap across the face with a used tampon in reaction to his spitting at her. It is only out of personal respect for your great self that I don't Danzasmack your wife. I certainly know from personal experience that most NC women find the experience liberating. Originally Posted by Iconoclast A more erudite treatise on the trials of being a Chess Player is my own contribution: From Draughts and Cards to Checkmate: Evolution of the GM. In it I analyse current peer reviewed papers detailing the fossilised games found in toy boxes, ontological development of H.Sapien and C. Player, and compelling DNA analysis showing that NC and C.Player have been interbreeding for at least forty generations. In new data presented in my own work I show that contary to reports in specist publications, today they live together and reproduce just as I and my NC wife have done. The only copy I owned was a present from a NC. I used it for toilet paper thus reducing my carbon footprint in the process. Originally Posted by Iconoclast In a gesture of recrimination I invite Fire Goat to a game of Chess Spitting at a time and place of his choosing. Only two non-FIDE rules: Both of us must be nude so that spittal runs and covers the whole body and no wipes before checkmate. I must decline, again as a mark of respect, if only to save your marriage from the inevitable breakdown it will suffer when your wife realises the true reason why Fide ratings are more important then ACF ones. Non Fide rated players are the enuchs of the Chess environment! __________________ "...What I meant? Dear Mr Ian Rout (ACF news publisher) could you please put Ozchessforum in the next news letter! There is no reason to hide this forum from the Australian chess public. What they meant? Sorry, No english!- Amir Karibasic Last edited by Firegoat7 : 10-08-2011 at 02:14 AM

10-09-2011, 03:29 PM	#15 (permalink)
antichrist Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Byron Bay, NSW Posts: 2,821	FG there is a easy simple answer to NC, just consider them zombies, who actually existed. People were buried for a certain period, maybe a day which broke their free will, then they were hypnotised to work or be sex slaves whatever - some even became CC moderators and can't get it out of their heads

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread: