Consider riding a train to a weekender where there is the strong possibility of there being a GM performing vivisection upon your club mates.

Consider the other passengers as humans - for indeed they are just that, humans.

Consider your own place in this scene. You are for the duration of the journey from your own front door to the sign on table, just like them. Walking like them, ticket purchasing, embarking, sit staring swaying and lurching just like them, alighting, obeying signs, alarms, and flashing lights. To a Martian you are indistinguishable from those around you.

Non-chess players (NC) too, think of you as one of their group - pissing on, shitting on, carrying on, going on, and then going off.

The thesis as presented in "Non-Chess Players: Can't live with them , can't shoot them" attempts to divide us along cleavage lines never meant to be split along, or as Monsieur Fire Goat would write, ever meant to be spit upon.

The casual chess reader of this polemic is lured to take the poison pawn of speciesism from the opening paragraph. "You are one of a kind, unlike any other, crushing your enemies, you are are a CHESS PLAYER." Such trite cant belongs on free to air television commercials. More disturbing is the fact that Goats book has been on GAMBIT'S Top Ten for over 26 weeks. With so many acolytes (read Lickspitals) penning glowing reviews there can be no surprise that a book launch and speaking tour was never required. Given the growing disquiet among NCs at being portrayed as microcephalic detritus feeders, Goat would be wise not to appear in public engagements. I duly noted that my own wife is intent on giving him a slap across the face with a used tampon in reaction to his spitting at her.

A more erudite treatise on the trials of being a Chess Player is my own contribution: From Draughts and Cards to Checkmate: Evolution of the GM. In it I analyse current peer reviewed papers detailing the fossilised games found in toy boxes, ontological development of H.Sapien and C. Player, and compelling DNA analysis showing that NC and C.Player have been interbreeding for at least forty generations. In new data presented in my own work I show that contary to reports in specist publications, today they live together and reproduce just as I and my NC wife have done.

In a gesture of recrimination I invite Fire Goat to a game of Chess Spitting at a time and place of his choosing. Only two non-FIDE rules: Both of us must be nude so that spittal runs and covers the whole body and no wipes before checkmate.

It is plausible that once human beings,as a species, accept robot chip implants as their evolutionary fate, then it may be possible. But, having Chess Titans grafted to your brain membrane is a far cry from being a real chess player. So I guess the answer is no.

Start thinking for yourself, when anybody tells you that too much chess is a bad thing, look them deadpan in the eye and say "....Well if the alternative is to live a balanced boring lifestyle- then I reject being normal .....FREAK!"

a) Holy Jihad versus all Computer programmers
b) Better blitz clocks
c) Can Michael Baron reach 2800 at MCC allegros

Look its not that difficult , as a trained anthropologist, I simply had to suspend my moral belief system temporarily so that I could try to understand their world. At first it was difficult to grasp , but then I realised that Non Chess players are a little smarter then fish, but a little dumber then cats. So I just followed the guiding principle and behaved like a sheep whenever I wasn't sure what to do.

I found that repeating the last thing said to me normally got me out of most trouble. I cite an example where a local lad had organised a mob to beat up a lone chess player for cutting in on his lunch. He screamed out " Im gonna kill you" so I repeated "YOOOOOUUUUU" at the top of my voice, which of course confused everyone into laughter. Thus enabling the chess player to make 16 moves in less then a second. By the time the mob figured out what had happened, the lone chess player was smoking a cigarette with their leaders girlfriend at her place.

There is no real need to kill any life form that is less evolved then yourself. I pity the non chess player, as they are simply unable too keep their brains working. An 8 year old chess player can easily out calculate the most sophisticated of non chess playing adults. The fact that you seem to relish such behaviour seems to indicate that you spend to much of your time solving checkmates and not enough time PLAYING chess.

No problem.

We are sons of War