Jessop Burgers - OzChess

**- V -** · 09-15-2011, 05:41 PM

Denis Jessop cruising the South Pacific on a yacht called "No Horizon" payed for by the Lawyer Collective hits a ferocious storm and is stranded on a desert isle . After several weeks , Denis through boredom , fashions a chessboard and pieces from coconut palms .

Just as soon as he finishes, a native springs from the bushes and asks Denis what he is doing . Denis , with a haughty look of scorn and derision says " Look boy , this is chess , and you don't like it !" the native responds " Ah yes , i have heard of this game from my elders " , Denis interjects " You fuzzy-wuzzies , you no like chess , too comp-li-ca-ted for you , you go catch fish for me yes ? "

The native immediately spins on his heels and trudges off to the undergrowth where after several seconds of earnest rummaging , produces what looks awfully like a spear . He approaches a slightly bemused looking Denis and OMG i can see now , IT IS A SPEAR !!

....[ CENSORED - DUE TO GRAPHIC NATURE OF CONTENT ].....

As night fell the native and his family settle down around a raging fire on the moonlit beach , playing with the board and pieces and gorging themselves , on what we will discreetly call here , Jessop Burgers .

**Firegoat7** · 09-15-2011, 06:25 PM

That's Gold Jerry, Gold!!

**Iconoclast** · 09-15-2011, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by - V -

Denis Jessop cruising the South Pacific on a yacht called "No Horizon" payed for by the Lawyer Collective hits a ferocious storm and is stranded on a desert isle . After several weeks , Denis through boredom , fashions a chessboard and pieces from coconut palms .

Just as soon as he finishes, a native springs from the bushes and asks Denis what he is doing . Denis , with a haughty look of scorn and derision says " Look boy , this is chess , and you don't like it !" the native responds " Ah yes , i have heard of this game from my elders " , Denis interjects " You fuzzy-wuzzies , you no like chess , too comp-li-ca-ted for you , you go catch fish for me yes ? "

The native immediately spins on his heels and trudges off to the undergrowth where after several seconds of earnest rummaging , produces what looks awfully like a spear . He approaches a slightly bemused looking Denis and OMG i can see now , IT IS A SPEAR !!

....[ CENSORED - DUE TO GRAPHIC NATURE OF CONTENT ].....

As night fell the native and his family settle down around a raging fire on the moonlit beach , playing with the board and pieces and gorging themselves , on what we will discreetly call here , Jessop Burgers .

Post of the year?

**- V -** · 09-17-2011, 02:01 AM

Two days have passed, everyone on the island has eaten a Jessop Burger . Unfortunately the burgers didn't agree with the indigenous people's tummies and many fell ill . In fact it got much worse than that . After 7 days the island's small population were all dead . Also , as some of the Jessop Burgers were canoed across to a couple of nearby islands , they too suffered terrible losses .

The camera pans down to the beach , running its way along the shimmering sand till it stops to focus on Denis's skull perched upright on a tiny dune with windswept seaweed masquerading as some type of macabre toupee .

The camera pans again just above the sand-line to the waves that slosh to and fro , creeping inextricably to the chess pieces , that lay strewn upon the shore .

The camera pans across for the very last time.
Coming to rest on a strange obelisk partially submerged in the sand .
As the camera slowly pans upwards .... it becomes jaw-droppingly clear .....a dawning realisation is thrust upon the viewer , .... it is ..... the White King !

[The final scene eerily reminiscent of the ending to Planet of The Apes]

**- V -** · 10-07-2011, 04:55 PM

**Firegoat7** · 10-08-2011, 02:17 AM

Originally Posted by - V -

In fact it got much worse than that . After 7 days the island's small population were all dead .

You mean to tell me that Jessop burgers delivered some sort of mad cow disease that wiped out whole populations? Didn't the same thing happen on Chesschat?

**antichrist** · 10-09-2011, 07:24 PM

I guess they would be as old and tough as the water buffalo they eat in the Philippines after working the fields for 20 years

**The Seeing** · 11-26-2011, 11:05 PM

**The Seeing** · 03-03-2012, 09:39 PM

09-15-2011, 05:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
- V - De-Programmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 492	Jessop Burgers Denis Jessop cruising the South Pacific on a yacht called "No Horizon" payed for by the Lawyer Collective hits a ferocious storm and is stranded on a desert isle . After several weeks , Denis through boredom , fashions a chessboard and pieces from coconut palms . Just as soon as he finishes, a native springs from the bushes and asks Denis what he is doing . Denis , with a haughty look of scorn and derision says " Look boy , this is chess , and you don't like it !" the native responds " Ah yes , i have heard of this game from my elders " , Denis interjects " You fuzzy-wuzzies , you no like chess , too comp-li-ca-ted for you , you go catch fish for me yes ? " The native immediately spins on his heels and trudges off to the undergrowth where after several seconds of earnest rummaging , produces what looks awfully like a spear . He approaches a slightly bemused looking Denis and OMG i can see now , IT IS A SPEAR !! ....[ CENSORED - DUE TO GRAPHIC NATURE OF CONTENT ]..... As night fell the native and his family settle down around a raging fire on the moonlit beach , playing with the board and pieces and gorging themselves , on what we will discreetly call here , Jessop Burgers . __________________ "Few have the stomach to pursue truth , yet most know in their gut something is wrong" V *"But everyone knows the media doesn't inform. Duhhhhhh !! "* Last edited by - V - : 12-04-2011 at 03:08 AM

09-15-2011, 06:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
Firegoat7 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Getting owned by White in the Dragon and trying to recover lost positions from shock paralysis OTB Posts: 2,044 ICC Handle: guest	That's Gold Jerry, Gold!! __________________ "...What I meant? Dear Mr Ian Rout (ACF news publisher) could you please put Ozchessforum in the next news letter! There is no reason to hide this forum from the Australian chess public. What they meant? Sorry, No english!- Amir Karibasic

09-15-2011, 08:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
Iconoclast Immoderator Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Wollongong NSW Posts: 2,302	Originally Posted by - V - Denis Jessop cruising the South Pacific on a yacht called "No Horizon" payed for by the Lawyer Collective hits a ferocious storm and is stranded on a desert isle . After several weeks , Denis through boredom , fashions a chessboard and pieces from coconut palms . Just as soon as he finishes, a native springs from the bushes and asks Denis what he is doing . Denis , with a haughty look of scorn and derision says " Look boy , this is chess , and you don't like it !" the native responds " Ah yes , i have heard of this game from my elders " , Denis interjects " You fuzzy-wuzzies , you no like chess , too comp-li-ca-ted for you , you go catch fish for me yes ? " The native immediately spins on his heels and trudges off to the undergrowth where after several seconds of earnest rummaging , produces what looks awfully like a spear . He approaches a slightly bemused looking Denis and OMG i can see now , IT IS A SPEAR !! ....[ CENSORED - DUE TO GRAPHIC NATURE OF CONTENT ]..... As night fell the native and his family settle down around a raging fire on the moonlit beach , playing with the board and pieces and gorging themselves , on what we will discreetly call here , Jessop Burgers . Post of the year? __________________ The individual is hopeless without the group. The group is hopeless without its individuals.

09-17-2011, 02:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
- V - De-Programmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 492	Epilogue Two days have passed, everyone on the island has eaten a Jessop Burger . Unfortunately the burgers didn't agree with the indigenous people's tummies and many fell ill . In fact it got much worse than that . After 7 days the island's small population were all dead . Also , as some of the Jessop Burgers were canoed across to a couple of nearby islands , they too suffered terrible losses . The camera pans down to the beach , running its way along the shimmering sand till it stops to focus on Denis's skull perched upright on a tiny dune with windswept seaweed masquerading as some type of macabre toupee . The camera pans again just above the sand-line to the waves that slosh to and fro , creeping inextricably to the chess pieces , that lay strewn upon the shore . The camera pans across for the very last time. Coming to rest on a strange obelisk partially submerged in the sand . As the camera slowly pans upwards .... it becomes jaw-droppingly clear .....a dawning realisation is thrust upon the viewer , .... it is ..... the White King ! [The final scene eerily reminiscent of the ending to Planet of The Apes] __________________ "Few have the stomach to pursue truth , yet most know in their gut something is wrong" V *"But everyone knows the media doesn't inform. Duhhhhhh !! "* Last edited by - V - : 12-04-2011 at 03:05 AM

10-07-2011, 04:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
- V - De-Programmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 492	__________________ "Few have the stomach to pursue truth , yet most know in their gut something is wrong" V *"But everyone knows the media doesn't inform. Duhhhhhh !! "*

10-08-2011, 02:17 AM	#6 (permalink)
Firegoat7 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Getting owned by White in the Dragon and trying to recover lost positions from shock paralysis OTB Posts: 2,044 ICC Handle: guest	Originally Posted by - V - In fact it got much worse than that . After 7 days the island's small population were all dead . You mean to tell me that Jessop burgers delivered some sort of mad cow disease that wiped out whole populations? Didn't the same thing happen on Chesschat? __________________ "...What I meant? Dear Mr Ian Rout (ACF news publisher) could you please put Ozchessforum in the next news letter! There is no reason to hide this forum from the Australian chess public. What they meant? Sorry, No english!- Amir Karibasic

10-09-2011, 07:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
antichrist Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Byron Bay, NSW Posts: 2,821	I guess they would be as old and tough as the water buffalo they eat in the Philippines after working the fields for 20 years

11-26-2011, 11:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
The Seeing Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 263

03-03-2012, 09:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
The Seeing Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 263	__________________ GET BACK ON BOARD DAMMIT !

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